We know that the factors leading to child abuse vary. We also know that not all abusers are male. Yet, we seldom see that addressed so in all fairness I do so now. Recently, I came across the article Mothers Who Hurt Their Children: Mom knows best – right? This piece addresses personality disorder as a factor in child abuse. The article includes numerous statistics, charts and graphs therefore; I only share a few excerpts and instead include a link to the full article at its home site Out of The Fog. The site states their purpose is to: “Provide information and support to the family members and loved-ones of individuals who suffer from a personality disorder.”
If you do not have the time to read the entire article Mothers Who Hurt Their Children: Mom knows best – right?, please go to the site and bookmark it, or print it out to read later. The Out Of The Fog site includes among its pages; Disorders, Traits, Toolbox, Books, Links, C-PTSD, Resources In An Emergency, Private Messages, Guidelines, Glossary, Acronyms, Support, and a Support Forum. http://www.outofthefog.net/Relationships/MaternalChildAbuse.html
Take the time, you may recognize someone you know, save the life of a child and get a female guardian help. JDP
Mothers Who Hurt Their Children: Mom knows best – right?
It must be true… A mother knows what’s best for her children. Who isn’t for motherhood and apple pie? It’s reinforced in our literature, movies, books, our laws, our religion. Mom knows best. There is no love greater than that of a mother for her children…
Our governments, schools, churches, courts bend over backwards to protect and support the rights of mothers. Mothers are encouraged and empowered to home school their children, diagnose their illnesses, control their activities, choose their friendships, dictate their living conditions, even select their religion. Parenthood isn’t easy and many mothers do an excellent job of what is a very challenging assignment. But not all…
Who Is Abusing the Kids?
The answer may surprise you. It is most commonly not the proverbial “stranger” that most children are warned to avoid – it is more likely to be someone much closer to home. Child Maltreatment Statistics
- 40.5% of all child abuse is committed solely by biological mothers…
Qualifications for becoming a Mother
So who really does know best? In the US, there are laws to protect all sorts of individuals from reckless behavior of others. For example, you must pass an exam before you may:
- Drive a car,
- Fly a plane
- Operate a crane
- Run a restaurant
- Educate school children
- Become a social worker or any kind of therapist
- Diagnose an ailment or prescribe, dispense or administer any kind of medicine or medical treatment…
But there is no qualification for becoming a Mother other than being female. Nor is there any review of your performance except in the most severe cases of physical violence and neglect.
When it comes to your treatment of strangers you may be prosecuted for:
- invading their privacy
- confiscating their property…
When it comes to treatment of minors, parents are held almost completely unaccountable. Minor children of abusive parents are completely trapped in their environment – dependent totally on an overwhelmed legal system to take action – after the abuse has been witnessed and reported by a neighbor, teacher, doctor or social worker. Many cases go unreported…
If you suspect a child you know may be abused by someone with a personality disorder according to Out of The Fog the following are potential indicators. JDP
Examples of Common Dysfunctional Traits
Here are some examples of some dysfunctional maternal traits that are common among mothers who suffer from personality disorders. Click on the links for more information about each trait or Click Here for more Common Traits of People who Suffer from Personality Disorders.
Blaming – The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.
Bullying – Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.
Emotional Blackmail – A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.
Engulfment – An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.
False Accusations – Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.
Favoritism – Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers.
Gaslighting – The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term “Gaslighting” is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”.
Infantilization – Treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.
Mood Swings – Unpredictable, rapid, dramatic emotional cycles which cannot be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.
Munchausen’s and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome – A disorder in which an individual repeatedly fakes or exaggerates medical symptoms in order to manipulate the attentions of medical professionals or caregivers.
Objectification – The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.
Parental Alienation Syndrome – When a separated parent convinces their child that the other parent is bad, evil or worthless.
Parentification – A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children.
Perfectionism – The maladaptive practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard of organization, order, or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in other areas of living.
Projection – The act of attributing one’s own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.
Push-Pull – A chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.
Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression – Explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute. Rages threaten the security or safety of another individual and violate their personal boundaries.
Scapegoating – Singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame.
Shaming – The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.
Disclaimer: Remember to consult a professional for an actual diagnosis. JDP