Due to events beyond my control I was unable to post the last Monday. As I worked on this week’s blog, yes it will get out late, I noticed a FB post by a friend. I asked for her permission to share her thoughts with you here on A Child’s Tears. Thank you Sally
I, for one, am for the “one strike, you’re out” policy with regards to sexually abusing a child. I am sick of these people who prey on children and I am sick of parents who put blind trust in anyone with regards to their children. If someone comes around bearing gifts and/or constantly volunteers to watch your children – BE SUSPICIOUS!
I love children and they are my ministry, but I don’t feel the need to be surrounded by them at all times. It doesn’t matter if the person is male or female. Serial child molesters seek out opportunities to work with children and will spend a considerable amount of time grooming the parents and the community before committing their crimes. That is why when children speak out – no one wants to believe it of that person.
A serial child molester has an average of 70 victims by the time they get caught. Many of those children never come forward. Don’t trust any organization that allows adults to work with children one-on-one. Even teachers should keep the doors open and be visible at all times if they are working one-on-one with a child. Coaches DO NOT need to take your child home with them. Neither do ministry leaders, scout leaders, etc. There are times when you have to let your child out of your sight – but don’t let it become a habit.
Also – we always want to make excuses for child molesters (or any criminal for that matter) that they had a hard life. SO WHAT?!!!! So do many of us and we don’t choose to commit evil! A study not too long ago went into the prisons and surveyed child molesters. At least 90% of them claimed to have been molested as children. However, when they took the lie detector test, only about 20% of them passed. (Meaning the convicts were lying about being molested as children.) I heard this from a Tarrant County Forensic Investigator. She said that a lie detector test does not work the way you see it on T.V. They ask the people the questions and then hook them up to the machine and then ask them the same questions. There are no surprise questions. They will say they were molested as children because they know that will gain them sympathy.
1 in 3 girls, and 1 in 8 boys have most likely been molested by the time they are 18 years old. Think about that. Also, many of them don’t fit the “mold” of what a sexual abuse victim looks like. They don’t all gain weight or act out. Most of them suffer in silence. It is too painful and humiliating to share.
If a child EVER tells you they have been abused – BELIEVE THEM AND REPORT IT! If they cry out to a person they trust and that person doesn’t listen and help – they may never cry out again. In the state of Texas – EVERY adult is responsible for this – not just the people who work with children.
There are two things that make it EXREMELY difficult even now. First, even though teachers might be told what signs to watch for, they could account for many things and with all of the behavior issues in schools today you really can’t distinguish something based on behavior alone. Second, some teachers will not report when someone does disclose because they don’t want to rock the boat. They are more worried about their job security than the child’s well-being.
Many people still believe some of the old beliefs about what a child molester looks or acts like and most people are unwilling to talk about this subject, which is why it continues to happen again and again. When you start talking about this issue people start squirming and want to flee. The only way to combat evil is to expose it to the light.
Sally Marie Peterson